The American Citizen According to Mark Twain

In Le Gardien on October 27, 2012 at 1:24 PM

As Lord Twain reminds us, we Americans prefer ice water. That makes us truly American. Other crypto-schizophrenic features remain, however:

“During three hundred and sixty-three days in the year the American citizen is true to his Christian private morals, and keeps undefiled the nation’s character at its best and highest; then in the other two days of the year he leaves his Christian private morals at home and carries his Christian public morals to the tax office and the polls, and does the best he can to damage and undo his whole year’s faithful and righteous work. Without a blush he will vote for an unclean boss if that boss is his party’s Moses, without compunction he will vote against the best man in the whole land if he is on the other ticket. Every year in a number of cities and States he helps put corrupt men in office, whereas if he would but throw away his Christian public morals, and carry his Christian private morals to the polls, he could promptly purify the public service and make the possession of office a high and honorable distinction.” – Mark Twain (1906)

Fast forward by one hundred and six years and more has changed, yet more has stayed the same. Enter the Great Presidential Debates: (1) the civic League of Women Voters has been replaced by the Republicrat’s “Commission on Presidential Debates,” or CPD, which is neither republican nor democratic (little “r” and “d” emphasized), but, instead, a two-party demonstration project; (2) taxingly, a five percent polling requirement has been replaced by a restrictive fifteen percent polling requirement in order to discourage advancement by “third party” candidates into the televised American pageants; and (3) the company Philips Electronics has backed out of sponsoring the events, only to be replaced by Anheuser-Busch and the International Bottled Water Association. Now, a candidate like Ross Perot (remember broadcast warnings regarding American debt and the NAFTA sucking sound, rekindling images of Goya) or John Anderson, etc., therefore, is unlikely if not weakly possible.

When will “We the people” rid the “moneychangers” from the Temple and emerge from roughly a century’s worth of Rip Van Winkle-stylized sleep? Lord Irving would be in agreement with the move as would many others. But, “Are there no workhouses?” replied the Vampire Squid.

With the Republic now hemorrhaging, we ought to reject: “two wars that were paid for on a credit card;” entrenched political gerrymandering run wild from the Appalachians to the Coastal Plain; and a reported 97 percent of the science community being drowned out of policymaking by fringe climate change deniers. If the scripted CPD debates were broken up and opened up to candidates independent from the Republicrat party, then the American citizen would have already been broadly informed by now that “30 percent of every health care dollar is being spent on bureaucracy, red tape and paper pushing,” and “more than 70 percent of the American people and the majority of doctors during the healthcare debate said they wanted to see a single-payer, Medicare-for-all system in place.” Read the full reports from the Institute of Medicine and Physicians for a National Health Program.

If the communion of the CPD debates was broken not for the few, but for the many, the American citizen would also consistently be informed of the opinion of subject matter experts on foreign policy and defense, like with the following commentary,

“President Obama is bragging about increasing military spending these last four years? Well, this is how it works. The F-22 weapons program, Republicans and Democrats alike tried to keep it alive, even though the secretary of defense said it’s an outmoded system, we’ve never used it, we’re not going to use it—billions of dollars going into the system just for maintenance and repair. And it was Republicans and Democrats fighting for continued funding. And then you wonder, why would they do that? It’s because the general contractor for that weapon system—they know what they’re doing when it comes to Congress—they put in place contractors or subcontractors in 44 different states. So you had Dianne Feinstein, Barbara Boxer and the Republican from Utah’s 1st Congressional District all fighting for continued funding, because they wanted to take the bacon back home so they could brag about it when they run the next time. That is treasonous conduct, when people are looking out for their own political interests and hammering the American people, especially when there are so many unmet needs in this country.”

If the American citizen isn’t broken, then don’t fix him! But what if the patient is flat lining? Lord Franklin would have said, “Join or die.” Lord Reagan would have replied, “There you go again.” Like Franklin and Reagan, King James’ scribes busy’d themselves to write us further back 400 years ago last year, “He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.” – Matthew 11:15


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